Thursday, June 10, 2010
Ngulu
So... if you read the last couple of posts I've put up here, you know things have been a bit rough, as of late. I needed to get away from things for a bit to get some balance back in my life. Fortunately, a great opportunity came up at the beginning of the week.
My buddy and fellow PCV Eriks has been talking about taking the state ship down to Ngulu, a small outer island of Yap to the west. The ride is only overnight, and the total trip lasts less than two days. Well, the ship returned from the eastern outer islands on Sunday, and it headed to Ngulu the next day.
Fishing gear in hand (two coils of 300 lbs. test line affixed with squid-tuna lures and jumbo hooks), Eriks and I hopped the ship on Monday. We spent the ride there joking around with Eriks' host mom and sister, chatting with folks and trying to fish from the ship, but didn't hook into anything (fishing lingo: makes me sound knowledgable in spite of the poor performance).
The next morning we arrived in Ngulu, met with the island's representative (the ONE man out of FIVE people who live there--the rest of the population has moved off island, including Eriks' host dad, the govenor of Yap) and wondered around the island for a bit--wound up on the shore walking bare foot across very rocky beach. I found myself a mismatched pair of throw-away flipflops for the last little part. After munching down a bag of banana chips, Eriks and I busted out the snorkel and mask and checked out the reef. It was amazingly beautiful, of course. It's Micronesia, what else could it be? We headed in when I noticed the ship moving suspiciously far away from the island, but we found out later that it wouldn't head back to Yap until 10 pm that night.
We hung out for a bit, reviewed the photos from snorkeling, walked around the rest of the island and then went to find some lunch. After a delicious meal of smoked fish, coconut crab, boiled breadfruit and bananas, we headed back to the main beach. I took a nap for a couple hours while Eriks swam and entertained the little kids with his antics in the surf (pretending to attack and be attacked by waves). We relaxed the rest of the day away, had some dinner, watched the sunset and loaded back up to get on the ship and return to Yap.
Exhausted from the sunshine and poor sleep the night before, we both grabbed some floor in the general boarding area and slept till morning.
The whole trip was over too soon. Would have been nice to spend a night on Ngulu, but it was so good for me. I really relaxed for the first time since I heard about the impending closure of Woleai and felt some semblance of inner peace. Good trip.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
It's been decided
After getting more info on both locations and the recommendation from my supervisor Regina, I've chosen Houk (pronounced 'hoke') as my next placement site. Regina told me that the culture in Houk is actually more similar to Woleai than it is in Asor, and the language is mutially intelligible--Houkese understand Woleain and vice versa. I also found a really cool website run by people from Houk (www.houkisland.org). Looks like an amazing place. And I still get to wear a loincloth!
The thought of leaving Woleai is still very painful, as are the images of good-byes with family and friends out there. However, I'm starting to actually feel a bit excited to go to Houk, meet new people and build relationships there. It's going to be a totally new experience, and though it's coming sooner than I'd hoped, I did want to try something new after Woleai.
Here's hoping for the future [fingers crossed].
The thought of leaving Woleai is still very painful, as are the images of good-byes with family and friends out there. However, I'm starting to actually feel a bit excited to go to Houk, meet new people and build relationships there. It's going to be a totally new experience, and though it's coming sooner than I'd hoped, I did want to try something new after Woleai.
Here's hoping for the future [fingers crossed].
Sunday, June 6, 2010
A dream is ending...
5/29 I don't remember the last time I was this mad. So angry, it wells up inside me and makes me want to hit, break, smash, crush everything within reach. The kind of enraged that gets me to scream – full body screaming that echoes off buildings two hundred yards away – for the first time in years. The kind of PISSED that has me staring down dogs, returning yells for their barks as I walk home, and barely seeing the humor and foolishness of it.
I found out, last night, Peace Corps wants to close Woleai, pull the volunteers and move us closer in, move us to Ulithi. I was livid but controlled the anger enough to not smash the bench that was calling out to me, not to break that window, hurl that stool, chuck my bottle. But I wanted to, real bad.
Something happened while I was out there this last stretch, something that's made them decide to shut us down. New staff has been hired for Peace Corps Micronesia, a new US ambassador to the FSM came on the job, and a 'Safety and Security' team came out to Yap. One of these things is directly leading to this absolute fucking travesty.
It's bullshit, plain and simple. How can Woleai just close like this? What is the reasoning? What has changed about the situation for Woleai? Nothing. Not that I can see. The plane should NOT be an issue, because we were never relying on it in the first place. What the fuck?
I want to finish my service; I want to finish it in Woleai. I've just spent six and a half months building relationships, figuring out my job, working on the language, making a life! GODDAMN IT! This is such fucking horse-shit. You should see my mental images of tearing this office apart right now.
6/7 So, wheels have been turning and we’ve heard the final verdict: Woleai is closed. There is only the smallest glimmer of hope (my boss said it’d be a miracle) to keep us in Woleai. The airport would need to be cleared by PMA (local airline) for emergency flights. Anyhow, I get to go back there for the rest of the summer, but after that, I’m moving somewhere new. It’s still really tearing me up, but I’ve come to terms with the whole situation – a bit. It helps immensely that Peace Corps has worked with us, is giving us options and not pulling us immediately. If I couldn’t even go back at all… oh boy, that’d be bad.
We found out last Wednesday that the decision had already been made, and there’s nothing we can do to change it. That was a HARD day. I handled myself pretty well in the meeting (only one angry comment), but after that… well, it wasn’t quite as impressive. I got really mad. Anger just washed over me once the meeting was finished. Went from shell shocked and sad to madder than hell. Didn’t cool off till the next morning.
Then we had our in-service training workshops, which were pretty hazy for me. Couldn’t really focus much. It’s just felt like my insides are twisting tighter and tighter, building up a knot of tension in my chest. Not my favorite feeling of all time.
During IST, I talked more with my Peace Corps supervisor people and I’ve got my options in front of me. Surprisingly, but much appreciated, it sounds like I get a lot of say in the transfer process. There are a number of sites available but I’ve narrowed mine choices down to two.
First option: there’s a tiny island in the Ulithi Atoll of Yap called Asor. The language is very similar to Woleaian, the culture as well, and I think I’d still get to wear a thu. Plus, I could take the ship out from time to time and see the folks in Woleai. Second option: I was told about a site in the outer islands of Chuuk—the next state to the east in the FSM. The only information I really have about it is that it’s an outer island (the only kind I want to work on) and that it hasn’t had a volunteer in a LONG time, if ever. That’s surprisingly compelling. I’m really hoping to hear more about both sites and make my decision this week.
This has been unbelievably difficult—most difficult thing I’ve had to deal with since my first broken heart. Oddly, this—being removed from Woleai—is very much like a repeat performance of my heart breaking. Really, that’s exactly what it is, another broken heart, but this time, my heart breaks more for the people of Woleai who so desperately want Peace Corps in their islands. There’s no way to adequately describe 600 plus people showing such depth of appreciation of, care for and excitement about visitors coming to live and work on their island. You have to live it to understand. So, I think this heart break is worse than those that came before.
It’s a mark of an incredibly privileged person that a broken heart can be counted as the worst experience in his life. That perspective came to me (over time) the first go around, and it’s come again, which really helps. I can’t claim personal processing for the cause, though. It was a speech I read online. A gal I went to high school and college with (for one year a piece) just gave the commencement speech to our old high school, and a friend who had attended told me to check it out. Reading that just brought rushing back to me how horrible injustice can be and that this situation is a bit light on that scale. It still sucks, but I’m feeling a lot better about things now.
All the same, it’s going to rip me to pieces when I have to tell my host mom that I’m leaving.
I found out, last night, Peace Corps wants to close Woleai, pull the volunteers and move us closer in, move us to Ulithi. I was livid but controlled the anger enough to not smash the bench that was calling out to me, not to break that window, hurl that stool, chuck my bottle. But I wanted to, real bad.
Something happened while I was out there this last stretch, something that's made them decide to shut us down. New staff has been hired for Peace Corps Micronesia, a new US ambassador to the FSM came on the job, and a 'Safety and Security' team came out to Yap. One of these things is directly leading to this absolute fucking travesty.
It's bullshit, plain and simple. How can Woleai just close like this? What is the reasoning? What has changed about the situation for Woleai? Nothing. Not that I can see. The plane should NOT be an issue, because we were never relying on it in the first place. What the fuck?
I want to finish my service; I want to finish it in Woleai. I've just spent six and a half months building relationships, figuring out my job, working on the language, making a life! GODDAMN IT! This is such fucking horse-shit. You should see my mental images of tearing this office apart right now.
6/7 So, wheels have been turning and we’ve heard the final verdict: Woleai is closed. There is only the smallest glimmer of hope (my boss said it’d be a miracle) to keep us in Woleai. The airport would need to be cleared by PMA (local airline) for emergency flights. Anyhow, I get to go back there for the rest of the summer, but after that, I’m moving somewhere new. It’s still really tearing me up, but I’ve come to terms with the whole situation – a bit. It helps immensely that Peace Corps has worked with us, is giving us options and not pulling us immediately. If I couldn’t even go back at all… oh boy, that’d be bad.
We found out last Wednesday that the decision had already been made, and there’s nothing we can do to change it. That was a HARD day. I handled myself pretty well in the meeting (only one angry comment), but after that… well, it wasn’t quite as impressive. I got really mad. Anger just washed over me once the meeting was finished. Went from shell shocked and sad to madder than hell. Didn’t cool off till the next morning.
Then we had our in-service training workshops, which were pretty hazy for me. Couldn’t really focus much. It’s just felt like my insides are twisting tighter and tighter, building up a knot of tension in my chest. Not my favorite feeling of all time.
During IST, I talked more with my Peace Corps supervisor people and I’ve got my options in front of me. Surprisingly, but much appreciated, it sounds like I get a lot of say in the transfer process. There are a number of sites available but I’ve narrowed mine choices down to two.
First option: there’s a tiny island in the Ulithi Atoll of Yap called Asor. The language is very similar to Woleaian, the culture as well, and I think I’d still get to wear a thu. Plus, I could take the ship out from time to time and see the folks in Woleai. Second option: I was told about a site in the outer islands of Chuuk—the next state to the east in the FSM. The only information I really have about it is that it’s an outer island (the only kind I want to work on) and that it hasn’t had a volunteer in a LONG time, if ever. That’s surprisingly compelling. I’m really hoping to hear more about both sites and make my decision this week.
This has been unbelievably difficult—most difficult thing I’ve had to deal with since my first broken heart. Oddly, this—being removed from Woleai—is very much like a repeat performance of my heart breaking. Really, that’s exactly what it is, another broken heart, but this time, my heart breaks more for the people of Woleai who so desperately want Peace Corps in their islands. There’s no way to adequately describe 600 plus people showing such depth of appreciation of, care for and excitement about visitors coming to live and work on their island. You have to live it to understand. So, I think this heart break is worse than those that came before.
It’s a mark of an incredibly privileged person that a broken heart can be counted as the worst experience in his life. That perspective came to me (over time) the first go around, and it’s come again, which really helps. I can’t claim personal processing for the cause, though. It was a speech I read online. A gal I went to high school and college with (for one year a piece) just gave the commencement speech to our old high school, and a friend who had attended told me to check it out. Reading that just brought rushing back to me how horrible injustice can be and that this situation is a bit light on that scale. It still sucks, but I’m feeling a lot better about things now.
All the same, it’s going to rip me to pieces when I have to tell my host mom that I’m leaving.
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