Sunday, March 18, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Humble Dream
Reading on the bus this morning, a great book called Metal Cowboy by Joe Kurmaskie (thanks, Holly!), I read the following passage: "Have you ever felt as if you were moving through life in slow motion? The guy who hits the snooze button long after he should be out the door? I'm talking about the hapless loser who never grasps the fact that life is not a dress rehearsal. Ever felt like you were about to miss the boat? So have I." Stopped reading and started thinking. The following resulted:
There is something incredibly humbling about trying and failing. It slaps you in the face with your own limitations, forces you to accept you are not a diamond in the rough. You are not The Rookie just waiting for that perfect moment. You're not the guy who never got or took the chance, who in his twilight stands up, one final first time to demonstrate his worth and unique ability. Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed, that isn't you. You're not even the heir apparent starter beaten out by Robert Redford.
Who you are is the kid showing up to try-outs, getting your chance, making the team and never seeing the field. The other players are better. You're a bright-eyed, idealistic youth going to college to learn the ways of this world and start making changes. Instead, you graduate with a mediocre GPA and take a job punching the clock, pushing reports for some mid-level, unknown firm producing bottle caps. Unable to take on the world, you battle your own unfulfilled time and bully paper products.
This leaves you with not a few options. One, blame others, circumstance or accident for your failures: "If my shoe hadn't come off or Tommy made his block, I'd have made that last yard and gotten my shot at the big time." Two, attempt to live vicariously through someone else to reclaim your lost dreams: "My son was BORN to play the piano! Don't listen to this childish computers and video games garbage." Three, broken and depressive self-loathing leading to a lonely, hardly lived or acknowledged life: "TV dinner and bottle of whiskey for one, please." Four, all manner of social/emotional/mental disorders: "One Flew Over the Coocoo's Nest, anyone?" Five, own your limitation, which is to say own yourself and your life.
You couldn't win the big game for your school or bring peace to the Middle East or be the first woman on Mars. You're still alive, fully human and with myriad abilities and a heap of potential. Whether you're the most renowned astro-physist or working in a small lab, dominating the polo field or just playing rec softball in the summers, vying for the presidency of the U.S. or speaking up at a townhall meeting, there's something more needed. A intentional drive towards living an engaged life, mindful of both strengths and weaknesses. The respect you have for yourself will far outstrip any you get for an unparalleled talent, latent or ever-present, because it's genuine. Sure as hell isn't easy. Few things hurt like honesty or letting go, and equally few enable you to truly Live the Dream.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
An update
February is swiftly passing, aided along (for me) by the feeling much of my time isn't my own. Turns out writing a thesis is a consuming venture. Throw a couple time intensive jobs on top of that, as well as living a bit off the beaten path, and life gets pretty narrow, focused.
Waking up at seven each morning, I like to take the morning a bit leisurely. Turn the alarm off and the radio on, start water boiling for coffee, bathroom, wash dishes, get the coffee press brewing, make toast (no toaster, so I use a pan on the stove), fry two eggs, listen to news with breakfast, finish coffee while watching the day come to life. Then it's a shower and catch the bus to campus, reading along the way (currently: The Three Musketeers). I really enjoy my mornings, which continues to surprise me, since I always hated the morning growing up.
Once on campus, I do the email thing, consult the calendar, and typically move onto some data work. I enter data from a survey for a local planning commission, or work on syntax for a project the Stevenson Center (which my program runs through) does to make reports for the county criminal justice courts, or plug away at the data set for my thesis. Not the most exciting work on the planet, but there is an intellectual satisfaction to figuring out a piece of one puzzle or another, or just simpler pleasure of getting another thirty or forty surveys keyed in.
That's been the Monday through Wednesday routine for a little while. Thursday and Friday I speed up the morning routine, so I can get to campus an hour earlier, get ready and drive out to Peoria (about forty-five minutes west) to meet up with a planning commission staffer to distribute surveys in Pekin (maybe twenty-five minutes south of Peoria). Back to Normal around five or six o'clock, spend a little more time in the office before hopping the bus home; I'm getting so into d'Artagnan's story that I've missed my stop a couple times. Any given night, make some dinner, have a beer or two, read, listen to the radio or watch a show on my laptop before calling it a day.
Saturdays I've been going out distributing surveys in rural Woodford county. That generally takes the full day, leave home at eight-thirty, return by six. Yesterday was the first Saturday in a month that I haven't gone out, and it was delightful. I stayed around home, tidied up, baked some bread (two honey wheat loaves and a pan of corn bread), had a couple friends stop by to chat, then popped up to campus in the evening to check email. Sundays I come down to a coffee shop, where I am currently. I might do a little research or just catch up on emails and read some articles online.
It may sound like I never get out, but that's not the case. I have made time, about once a week, to grab a beer away from home, hangout with a friend, leave work for a spell. Like most folks, I prefer going out with a buddy, but a few weeks ago I happened to miss my regular bus. I'd noted another route that leaves Normal fifteen minutes later and gets to Bloomington in time to catch my normal bus on its way back towards my place, so I gave it a shot rather than waiting another hour. I ended up with about a half hour to kill, and a bar is right across the street from the bus stop. I've since returned a few times and found that people like to talk to me. In four evenings, I've been chatted up by five different people (not including the bar tender), each of whom has approached me. Not sure what to make of it, but it's been fun. Talked with a salesman for warehouse equipment (forklifts and whatnot) who also happens to own a tree farm; a couple nurses, both of whom were enjoying a rare evening out as they continue caring for either children or parents after work; a male model who is very bored in Bloomington; and most recently the director of the Economic Development Council for Bloomington-Normal. He even bought me a couple rounds.
Otherwise, a friend of mine and I have popped into a bar here and there on a Thursday to catch up and enjoy the unique freedoms of grad school which allow for such relaxation. Also was asked by a guy I met back in August (bought a bike from him) to be his mentor for a leadership certificate program. Illinois State University is piloting the program this semester, and Rich is one of the initial participants. The basic premiss is to bring together the wide variety of leadership, civic engagement and volunteer experience students get, synthesizing it through the program so they come away with better understandings and preparation to use those skills in their careers. Oh, and I spent a day working on a farm two weeks ago. That was excellent and brings to mind the biggest and most exciting news of the past month. I got offered, and accepted an internship working on an organic blueberry farm for the summer. The guy I'll be working for owns property in Eureka (about thirty minutes west of Normal), where he grows a large variety of berries (raspberries, blueberries, elder berries, aronia berries, black raspberries). He's arranged a lease with a Methodist church in Pembroke Township (110 miles north of Normal) for two acres of blueberry brambles and a half acre garden plot. I and another intern or two will tend the brambles and garden for the summer and run his booth at the farmers' market in Bloomington, receiving room and board, farming experience, and a monthly allowance. It's perfect for me, better than perfect as it does more to prepare me for and inform me about local organic farming than anything else I could have hoped to do this summer. And I'm trying to get a Peace Corps friend to join me, which would be amazing. Both my site mate, Gita and Yap PCV buddy, Eriks have expressed interest in coming out to Illinois for the summer. Neither is a lock, but if either does make the commitment, I can bank on a tremendous summer.
So, the impetus to get this degree wrapped up this semester is even stronger, now. That way I can fully focus on farming in the summer, as well as fully enjoy the weddings I'll be attending. My great friends Josh and Jamie are getting hitched in June, for which I'll be one of the groomsmen, and my dear friend Sarah is getting married in August. I'll be an usher or reader or something of the sort for her. Yup, life's pretty great, though somewhat demanding in the work department. I think that's a good thing. It's engaging and is leading to some amazing opportunities.
Waking up at seven each morning, I like to take the morning a bit leisurely. Turn the alarm off and the radio on, start water boiling for coffee, bathroom, wash dishes, get the coffee press brewing, make toast (no toaster, so I use a pan on the stove), fry two eggs, listen to news with breakfast, finish coffee while watching the day come to life. Then it's a shower and catch the bus to campus, reading along the way (currently: The Three Musketeers). I really enjoy my mornings, which continues to surprise me, since I always hated the morning growing up.
Once on campus, I do the email thing, consult the calendar, and typically move onto some data work. I enter data from a survey for a local planning commission, or work on syntax for a project the Stevenson Center (which my program runs through) does to make reports for the county criminal justice courts, or plug away at the data set for my thesis. Not the most exciting work on the planet, but there is an intellectual satisfaction to figuring out a piece of one puzzle or another, or just simpler pleasure of getting another thirty or forty surveys keyed in.
That's been the Monday through Wednesday routine for a little while. Thursday and Friday I speed up the morning routine, so I can get to campus an hour earlier, get ready and drive out to Peoria (about forty-five minutes west) to meet up with a planning commission staffer to distribute surveys in Pekin (maybe twenty-five minutes south of Peoria). Back to Normal around five or six o'clock, spend a little more time in the office before hopping the bus home; I'm getting so into d'Artagnan's story that I've missed my stop a couple times. Any given night, make some dinner, have a beer or two, read, listen to the radio or watch a show on my laptop before calling it a day.
Saturdays I've been going out distributing surveys in rural Woodford county. That generally takes the full day, leave home at eight-thirty, return by six. Yesterday was the first Saturday in a month that I haven't gone out, and it was delightful. I stayed around home, tidied up, baked some bread (two honey wheat loaves and a pan of corn bread), had a couple friends stop by to chat, then popped up to campus in the evening to check email. Sundays I come down to a coffee shop, where I am currently. I might do a little research or just catch up on emails and read some articles online.
It may sound like I never get out, but that's not the case. I have made time, about once a week, to grab a beer away from home, hangout with a friend, leave work for a spell. Like most folks, I prefer going out with a buddy, but a few weeks ago I happened to miss my regular bus. I'd noted another route that leaves Normal fifteen minutes later and gets to Bloomington in time to catch my normal bus on its way back towards my place, so I gave it a shot rather than waiting another hour. I ended up with about a half hour to kill, and a bar is right across the street from the bus stop. I've since returned a few times and found that people like to talk to me. In four evenings, I've been chatted up by five different people (not including the bar tender), each of whom has approached me. Not sure what to make of it, but it's been fun. Talked with a salesman for warehouse equipment (forklifts and whatnot) who also happens to own a tree farm; a couple nurses, both of whom were enjoying a rare evening out as they continue caring for either children or parents after work; a male model who is very bored in Bloomington; and most recently the director of the Economic Development Council for Bloomington-Normal. He even bought me a couple rounds.
Otherwise, a friend of mine and I have popped into a bar here and there on a Thursday to catch up and enjoy the unique freedoms of grad school which allow for such relaxation. Also was asked by a guy I met back in August (bought a bike from him) to be his mentor for a leadership certificate program. Illinois State University is piloting the program this semester, and Rich is one of the initial participants. The basic premiss is to bring together the wide variety of leadership, civic engagement and volunteer experience students get, synthesizing it through the program so they come away with better understandings and preparation to use those skills in their careers. Oh, and I spent a day working on a farm two weeks ago. That was excellent and brings to mind the biggest and most exciting news of the past month. I got offered, and accepted an internship working on an organic blueberry farm for the summer. The guy I'll be working for owns property in Eureka (about thirty minutes west of Normal), where he grows a large variety of berries (raspberries, blueberries, elder berries, aronia berries, black raspberries). He's arranged a lease with a Methodist church in Pembroke Township (110 miles north of Normal) for two acres of blueberry brambles and a half acre garden plot. I and another intern or two will tend the brambles and garden for the summer and run his booth at the farmers' market in Bloomington, receiving room and board, farming experience, and a monthly allowance. It's perfect for me, better than perfect as it does more to prepare me for and inform me about local organic farming than anything else I could have hoped to do this summer. And I'm trying to get a Peace Corps friend to join me, which would be amazing. Both my site mate, Gita and Yap PCV buddy, Eriks have expressed interest in coming out to Illinois for the summer. Neither is a lock, but if either does make the commitment, I can bank on a tremendous summer.
So, the impetus to get this degree wrapped up this semester is even stronger, now. That way I can fully focus on farming in the summer, as well as fully enjoy the weddings I'll be attending. My great friends Josh and Jamie are getting hitched in June, for which I'll be one of the groomsmen, and my dear friend Sarah is getting married in August. I'll be an usher or reader or something of the sort for her. Yup, life's pretty great, though somewhat demanding in the work department. I think that's a good thing. It's engaging and is leading to some amazing opportunities.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
